Day 14 — An Old Photo

This photo is of my mom, circa 1969.

I adore it.

It reminds me of when I was just a young girl and she still dressed up. And wore wigs. (It was during the 70's after all.) And make-up. And perfume that I actually liked. When she still worked outside of the home and not with hardened, jaded, homeless people. It reminds me of that time when your mom (or in this case my mom) was still glamorous.

I've had to doctor this photo a bit since the original is yellowed with age. It has been in the same frame for forty years, I'm sure. When I took it out to scan it, I don't even want to think about all the different types of dust I let loose from all the places we lived where this photo has traveled.

Again, I don't have the story behind it. I don't know where it was taken, although I assume it was still in the Philippines and it was before I came into the world. I don't know why it was taken. Was she on her way to a party? Just another night out? Was this how she always looked or was there extra effort in getting ready for the shot?

It reminds me that my mom, although she was always a bit tomboy-ish, could still be a woman. Elegant. Confident. Feminine. Classy.

I remember her more as the brassy, no-holds-barred, loud, direct woman she was during my teens and twenties. She mellowed some with age, but if she had an opinion, she wasn't afraid to share it. I guess she had to toughen up some because of the homeless people she served. The emotional baggage they carried. The world-weary stories she heard.

It's no secret that we didn't get along very well. That our relationship was tumultuous at best, downright head-butting at worst. She had different views and opinions on things than I did. I think a lot of it was cultural for her. And age for me. I just wasn't mature in my interaction with her. I wasn't as patient with her as I was and still am with others. I held onto mean things she said to me while I was growing up and never fully forgave. Or forgot. In the years after my dad passed it was really difficult for me to deal with her. We both grieved for my father in different ways. I didn't fully understand the loneliness she felt. Nor did I recognize that she was ill herself. I don't know that for fact because she refused to allow me to take her to a doctor for evaluation. But in my heart, I KNOW something was wrong. I don't know how to explain it...and as much as it sounds like an excuse, I don't mean for it to be.

But even in all of that, I was proud of her and the way she was devoted to feeding the homeless and out of work. I see now the sacrifices she made in marrying my father, namely leaving her home country and all of her family. I know in the beginning she still kept in touch but as the years passed I think it was more emotionally difficult for her to hold on to them rather than just let them go. It had to have been tough. And like I said, I was too immature to notice.

I know I don't often share about my mom. My go-to topics are usually my dad, my son, and I hint at things about my husband (because he REALLY likes his privacy, I don't ever delve too deeply to respect that), the insignificant and mundane of my own life. But if I'm honest, scarily and profoundly honest, I KNOW I have some of her traits: her temperament, her boisterous nature, her devotion to her husband and her fear of being alone in life. And as much as I'm not acting on it at this time in my life, her spirit of service is still within me. The need to care for others and the desire to make the world a better place for those less fortunate still run through my daily thoughts. I think it's my internal gauge of remembering where I came from even if it wasn't always rainbows and gumdrops. Because of that, I am absolutely positive that my personal resolve will get me through the tough times. And I have her to thank for that.

Day 13 — Something I Want to Buy

Well, "want to" and "going to, out of necessity" are two different things, but in the end I guess I want to buy it, regardless of need.

I've mentioned that I'm getting my teeth fixed. Not that I'm particularly self-conscious of the baby tooth that I still have which forced my adult canine to grow into the position the lateral tooth should have been. Or the peg-lateral tooth on the opposite side. Or the gap in my front teeth. My teeth have been like this since I was a teen. I'm used to them.

BUT the combination of all of that with the fact that I've now got an overbite that is causing increasing wear on my lower teeth has made me look at options on correcting EVERYTHING. If I'm going to do it, I want to get it all done in one go. Even if that one go is going to take about a year of work. And braces.

Ugh.

I really didn't want braces and K is not really thrilled about the option either. I get it, I mean, who wants to kiss a metal mouth? I kid. I kid. I didn't want braces because it seems like such a teenager thing. It's what you do to prepare your mouth for a perfect smile as an adult. I kinda passed up the season of opportunity. Or so I thought.

In fact when I walked into the orthodontist office today, there was a sign on the wall that said "Dentistry for children and teens." I walked up to the receptionist desk and announced that neither was I a child nor a teen, but I was there for an appointment. The befuddled woman behind the desk looked at me and said, "I think you want that receptionist (pointing across the waiting room to ANOTHER desk)...they do teens and adults." Ha! Yeah, that's better. I'm not an idiot. :o/

So, I'm getting dental imaging done tomorrow and following up with the three men that are going to be my dental gurus through this process in the next week or so. Maybe in a year's time I'll have a cheesy Hollywood smile. All three of them keep telling me it'll be worth every dime, the problem is, I don't know how many dimes it's going to take yet. I'll keep you posted...

Day 12 — Something I Bought Recently

I can honestly say that the most recent things I've bought have been food items. I'm in the grocery store almost daily since I'm usually one to figure out what to make for dinner at about 4:36 in the afternoon...and it usually requires a trip to H-E-B because I never have what I crave in my pantry. Only the things that I crave while I'm shopping are in the pantry at present. And my tastes vary from the time I'm shopping to the time I get home. Go figure.

I literally just pulled out the handful of credit card receipts from last week and they consist of:

• the grocery store - Sunday night, to pick up deli meats and cheeses so I could make K's lunch on Monday then immediately on to pick up stuff at...
  
• the local pizza place - Sunday dinner. Fancy. I was lazy.
• the dry cleaners - I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning Saturday afternoon, so had to make an early morning run on Monday. Although I wanted to send K to the office in his boxer briefs, dress shirt and tie. He was rocking the look, I tell ya.
• I wrote a check to the lady that cleans my house. God bless her!
  
• dentist bill - long story short-ish: I'm looking into fixing my "smile" and have been seeing an oral surgeon who is now sending me to an orthodontist. What??? Braces?! I'm freaking forty years old...do I really want to wear braces? I may not have a choice. Apparently. Unless I want to pull all my teeth out and have dentures. I'm liking the latter option more and more as I go through the whole process. :o/
  
• another grocery store - to pick up specific items I can't usually get at the store around the corner from my house.
• doggie daycare - 'Bow's been visiting a doggie daycare a few times over the last few weeks and we've boarded him overnight once and will do so again next Friday. We were trying to ease him in to the boarding process since he's never been boarded before and we didn't want to freak him out by just leaving him there for a week when we go on vacation. So far, so good, but one night as opposed to SEVEN nights in a row...it's going to be interesting. ESPECIALLY since the mister is experiencing more separation anxiety than the canine.
• and gas. What a beating that was! Oh my geez! I can't imagine what it's like for people who HAVE to be somewhere daily...I have just been staying home more so I don't have to fill up as often!
  

I did buy a tomato plant recently and some herb seeds to plant in little pots. K bought me some perfume on Sunday when we were out shopping for clothes for vacation. (Funnily enough, I didn't buy anything, but his card was smoking by the time we left the Domain.)

Tomorrow I'm getting my haircut and colored...and then I'm going off to lunch with a friend so those will be "fun" purchases. But other than that I got nothing. The vacation is on K's card. And on Thursday we'll be expecting two pallets of boxes that K had his parents send over from the UK of stuff they've been storing for him since he came across the pond. They might actually be able to park their car in the garage now.

I guess I've been unconsciously frugal with vacation coming up. Apparently, it's not going to be cheap in Aruba. So I've been saving pennies for cocktails on the beach and lavish dinners around the island...

Day 11 — A Photo of Me Taken Recently

Yeah, I skipped Day 10, too. For now. Still trying to find the "right" photo. Ha!

As cheesy as I am, I'm usually taking the photos rather than IN the photo. But this is literally one of two photos taken of me this month. The other has K in it and he really doesn't like when I post photos of him on the interwebs, so I try to respect that. Mostly. Sometimes it can't be helped. I wish it didn't look like I was bald in this photo. My own worst critic and all that...


Anywho, this is from April 2nd taken on the deck outside of one of our new favorite restaurants, El Arbol. We were celebrating J's 20th birthday. Again.

You see, I had driven up to see him at school on his actual birthday and took him to lunch. That's just the kinda mom I am. I also bought a cheesecake for him to share with his friends at the weekly potluck that takes place in their apartment, which happened to be that night, too. We visited the Rachofsky House while I was in town, something he had planned to do with several of his arch buddies. I was really just tagging along.

He then decided to drive home for the weekend. Funnily enough, I've also sent him two packages in the last couple of weeks as belated birthday gifts and I have another waiting to send. We sure are dragging out this celebration thing!

The following Monday, we had our "fight." My, what a difference a day makes. LOL/Ugh. Life certainly does move on, doesn't it.

If I had procrastinated on this post for a few weeks more, I probably could have shared a photo of me on the beach in Aruba. But you're stuck with this one.

And now I'm stuck daydreaming about mai tais and white sand beaches....*sigh*....believe me, I'll be sharing the lowdown on the trip after the fact, but until then here's a sneak peek at where we're staying, specifically a room like this!

This Just In...Sort Of...

Um, yeah. I dunno. Just a bit of random.

I'm such a skeptic when it comes to the whole alien factor. And home videos. I always think, "How do you just happen to have your video camera up and running at the exact moment a light drops out of the sky? I can't even get my iPhone camera on much less zoomed in on something in anything less than 2 minutes and by that time said strange event would be over."

And let me just say, I didn't see ANY of those news broadcasts as they happened. Then again, I don't typically watch the news. Or morning shows.

So, yeah. Discuss. And make it interesting...

Day 09 — Pet peeves

This topic is just begging for a rant. Isn't it??

I consider myself pretty even-keeled. I tend to live by the whole "pick your battles" and "don't sweat the small stuff" theology.

I find myself getting worked up in traffic and suffering from road rage isn't something I'd like to see as a daily occurrence in my life. I lived in the monsterplex (read: the DFW area) so I've dealt with morning and afternoon rush hours, bad drivers, lost tourists, and general imbeciles behind the wheel. Not that I'm the perfect driver, I know I tailgate slow drivers a bit. I know I get impatient and weave through traffic. I yell at people who cut me off and don't know how to speed up to merge with highway traffic from a ramp. But it's short-lived. I always remind myself that I don't know their lives...or the reasons behind their poor driving skills. Ha!

Generally I find though, that things I consider pet peeves are incredibly stupid little things. Like when K admonishes me for "leaving things lying around" or "not finishing a job". Pot, kettle. Um, hello? The doors to the cabinet under my kitchen sink have been leaning against the wall now for five weeks since he decided to "fix" them for me. But I digress.

I don't really have a pet peeve, so to speak. It all boils down to inconsiderate behavior. People who are malicious, rude, impolite and the general loss of common courtesy in our society are things that really bug me. I literally "boo" villains in TV shows and movies. Like that old lady in Buttercup's dream from "The Princess Bride."

It's like a bad pantomime or a visit to the Pocket Sandwich Theater.

I guess I want everyone to put their best foot forward, to prove that people are typically "good." I like to pick on people and poke fun, but when the humor is all negative all the time...I start to feel uncomfortable with it. This from the girl with the self-deprecating wit. I don't mind tearing myself down, I just don't like when others do it for me. "It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma...." Name that movie. Now name the real source of the quote. Gotcha!

It just bugs me to see people being plain rude. Or mean. Or evil. I guess that's the real reason I don't like politics. I can't get past all the mud-slinging. The drama. Ugh. I avoid drama like the plague now. I don't understand why people can't just be nice to each other. And mean it.

What's the point of pettiness? Does bringing someone to tears make you feel powerful? It makes me feel awful. I immediately want to correct it.

For example, a few weeks ago I had a "fight" with my son. He parked his car in a lot after hours with the intention of moving it before business hours when it would be towed. Well, his alarm didn't wake him and so when he finally went out to move it, it had been towed. He called me asking for the money to pay the tow charge. I felt like there was a lesson to be learned here and told him he'd have to take the money out of HIS savings account to pay the fees. This led to him getting pissed off. And telling me all about it. And then the stress of everything going on in his life came crashing out of him in an angry and tearful diatribe about how he can't ask us for money. And I'm trying to stick to my guns, why should I pay for his mistake? Ugh. So now I'm in tears.

Other things were definitely in play during this week of trying to find out why he was feeling this way. He calmed down. I calmed down. We re-evaluated his budget and raised his monthly stipend. We also replenished some of his savings which he had been dipping into for stuff that should have been factored into said stipend. But. In the end, I told him that we were not paying for the towing (or the speeding ticket he didn't tell us about that also contributed to his depletion of funds).

All of that said, I'm not claiming to be a saint. I'm as good a sinner as the next guy, but I feel remorse by the bucketloads. And I don't want to be mean just to be mean. If push came to shove, and it has on some occasions in my past, I can be a right B.

Maybe I'm just getting mellow in my old age. I really do strive to treat everyone I come into contact with on a daily basis with courtesy and respect. There's enough war in this world. There's enough strife without me adding to the doom and gloom.

All we need is love. Right??

Day 08 — Something I Crave

Yeah, I know....Day 7's post is missing currently because I'm trying to find a specific photo to scan. If I can't find it soon, I've got a replacement in mind...but I haven't given up the search yet.

Anywho...onwards!

I'm taking Mary Kate's lead on this whole craving thing about being something I used to do and now don't, so I miss it...indeed, crave it.

My craving is travel. I've always loved traveling.

Maybe it's the military brat in me. Maybe it's the fact that growing up, my dad would pack us in the car without a map, without a suitcase, without even more than a few dollars and say, "It's time for an adventure!" and we would just drive until we found something interesting enough to pull over and investigate. That's how I found Taiwan (although we didn't drive that day, obviously), Sacramento, San Francisco, the Napa Valley, Prince Edward Island and Anne of Green Gables, deep sea fishing in Dalhousie, and on and on. He instilled in me the zeal to explore which I can only guess came from his childhood in a small Vermont town. His determination to get out and see the world. His desire to see how other people lived, what they ate, what they did for fun.

I used to travel a bit for work. It would have been the best job for a twenty-something, but I was missing out on a lot of Joshua's early years and I didn't want to. So I gave it up. If only I had that job now! I know I would thrive in it. Ah well...

If I didn't have responsibilities and could somehow tap into unlimited amounts of cash, I would totally see the world. I would do it with a backpack and a camera. Doesn't that sound divine, even on some small scale??

This is what I would pack:
Toothpaste and toothbrush (I hate the furry teeth feeling)
Hairbrush (not that I have as much hair anymore, but I'll sleep better knowing I brushed it)
Towel and swimsuit ( I WILL NOT skinny dip, or chunky dunk, as the case may be)
T-shirt and shorts (standard wardrobe for this girl)
Jeans and a hoodie/sweatshirt (I know some places are colder than Texas)
Skirt and blouse (never know when you might have to "dress up")
Appropriate undergarments (natch!)
Socks (1 pair thin, 1 pair think and wooly)
Camera, lenses, battery, flash and cords for re-charging and uploading (VITAL!)
Baby wipes (all-purpose and always needed)
First aid kit (I'm a mom, I'm used to being prepared!)
Lip balm
Passport/ID

This bare-essentials list is the "roughing-it"version. If I were to leave right now, not knowing where I'd end up tonight. Remember, I have unlimited funds, so I could buy what I did need when I got there, right?? Afterwards, I'd donate it to someone or some organization locally that could put it in to good use so that I wouldn't have to pack it, just like "Survivor" does. But I digress...

I love staying in hotels...the fancier, the better. But, contrary to public opinion, I do know how to survive in a tent. I'd just need a bigger backpack. Or a Wal-Mart nearby.

It's not the how that matters in this scenario though, it's more the why. The freedom of exploration. The adventure. Seeing new things, good and bad. I remember the culture shock of living in the poorest parish of the poorest diocese in Mexico for a few months and then returning to my middle-class American lifestyle. Yes, I enjoy my comfortable life in my big house with new things as it is now, but I'm not afraid to live on next to nothing. I've done it before and I know I can survive.

I want to see the places that I've only witnessed in pictures or travelogues or postcards from others living the adventure. I want to be immersed in a different culture, even if it's just in a neighborhood of some metropolis. I want to be surrounded by the culture, art, society of another country. I want to see the natural wonders, and the pop culture references, and the grittiness of life in places I don't know exist. I want to travel Route 66. See the Grand Canyon on a road trip in an RV. I want to while away the days on the beaches of the world. I want to see the phenomenal city in China built in the side of a mountain. (That slideshow is kinda long, but the pictures are incredible.) I want to take my own photos of Bali, Dubai, Athens, Rome, Paris and Sydney.

I want to spread my wings and fly!

There's so many places and things I want to see that the list would become incredibly boring to you.

I just want to feel that little excitement that comes when I pack a suitcase. That hint of anticipation of the what's to come. I want to load up the car with Cokes, Ding Dongs and pork skins. Hit the iPod playlist called "ROAD TRIP!" Play "I Spy" while the center white lines of the highway speed by...or hear the chug of the ship's engine or the plane's motors rev up.

I want to watch the customs agent stamp my passport with a little emblem of proof that I was there on that day.

And then, when it's all said and done...I want to look at the photos and reminisce while sipping a hot chocolate and saying "Remember when..."

Day 07 — A Favorite Photo

I had skipped over this because I was looking for a particular photo. And then, of course, when you start rummaging through photos you get a little distracted by the memories and the nostalgia. And you find every other photo but the one you're looking for...and you just about give up the search when you realize you didn't have to rummage after all. It was still in the photo cube you keep on the shelf in your closet. And you realize what a dork you are.

And as many photos as I DO have, I find that there are YEARS missing in my life based on the photos I don't have. Then again, there have been several moves in my life. And there are several boxes in various closets as well as the garage that are waiting for me to get my poop in a group and organize the troves of photographic evidence of my existence in various stages. And I'm sure my grandmother has loads tucked up in her attic that my dad sent to her way back when, during the days before digital photos and electronic copies. When you actually had to wind the film forward in a camera and get to the end of the roll before you went to the store where it was sent off to be developed with chemicals and darkrooms, when pictures were actually printed on photo paper. You were lucky to have captured A Kodak moment and even luckier if you had ONE copy of it. Archaic.

So, here's the photo:

It makes me smile.
It's so wrong on so many levels.
Especially if you knew my parents in the last several years of their lives.

With both of my parents gone now, I couldn't get the story from them so I don't know much about the history of this photo. I found it while cleaning out their house, preparing it for market to sell since we couldn't really deal with having the upkeep and maintenance of a house over 350 miles away.

I remember coming across it and stopping in my tracks. I had to smile. They looked giddy. Or drunk. I don't know which.

They're so young in this photo. From the date stamp of May 1970, I know my dad to be three months shy of his 21st birthday. He's roughly 8 months older than my son is today. My mom is 28. I met Keith when I was 28. Funny thing about the parallels.

And then I realize, she's pregnant. With me. And a beer in her hand. Um. That explains some things. ***UPDATE/DISCLAIMER*** In my mom's defense, it was a different time then. They didn't really know about fetal alcohol syndrome and all that. Plus, she was probably only barely pregnant, maybe 6-8 weeks pregnant, so she may not have known for sure yet. Okay, carry on...

I'm sure this was taken at a bar. Did you notice the nudie pic on the wall behind them? Let me point that out to you so that you can avert your eyes. I vaguely remember my mom saying that one of her brothers owned a bar near the base in the Philippines where my dad was stationed. I definitely remember her saying that's where they met.

It's strange for me to see my dad with a drink in hand, much less a whole bottle of Stoli's. (Yeah, I knew the brand as soon as I saw it. And?) I mean REALLY strange. I never saw him drink a thing other than communion wine at Mass after the age of about 13. You see, that's when they embraced a holier life. Although, I do remember once almost suffering a cardiac when my dad was visiting me in Dallas. I jokingly asked if he wanted a beer because I had about half a case left over from a party the weekend before and he said, "Yes" ...and meant it. The look of shock on my face provided him with at least fifteen minutes of a good belly laugh. It had to have been at least 25 years since he had had a beer.

Anyway, I think it's fun to see your parents young, full of vim and vigor, just starting out together in life. It's also a reminder that they've lived through it. Sometimes they really do know what they're talking about. Sometimes they really have made the mistakes that are the lessons they're trying to teach you to learn from. I never would have admitted to them that they were right. Now I know better.

Cheers!

Day 06 — A Fun Fact About Me

This is a toughie. A fun fact? About me??

I'm not trying to be overly modest or humble. I just can't think of one. I'll get back to you on this...


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This just in! I've opened this up to "guest bloggers" to share Fun Facts about me. You can read them in the comments....add yours, too!

Wa-hayyyyyyyyy!