To be or not to be...

I know what I want to be when I grow up. A synthespian.

Not to be confused with the novel of the same name that is based on the BBC's Doctor Who series. Although reading the minimalistic plot summary provided by Wikipedia ("The Doctor and Peri land on Reef Station One, an isolated space station that has modeled itself on 1980s popular culture and encounter Autons."), where else would I want to be but somewhere modeled after 80's pop culture??

No, I'm not talking about that sythespian...I'm talking about the new-fangled computer-generated virtual actor. Sounds right up my alley...for two reasons.

1) I've always felt that I should be famous because I can totally relate to celebrity issues like being stalked and having people watch you in the most menial of places (stores, restaurants, and hotels) albeit I am under surveillance for reasons other than mere celebrity, more like my innate ability to look out of place no matter where I am, especially at said venues and even more so if said venues are slightly more posh than menial.

2) As a "virtual" actor, I could still do the voice work without having to worry about dieting and extensive cosmetic surgery to transform my (too many adjectives to list here, so I'll just leave it blank) being into some waif-like form that our media-driven society has consistently convinced us is what should be considered sexy and goddess-like.

For example, I could easily have voiced Grendel's mother in Beowulf or taken over for Lena Headey in 300. Those women were cast for their looks not their acting prowess. You know it and I know it. And if you didn't know it, I just told you, so you know it now. No one would have been the wiser if they had hired me to be the virtual actor...I could have easily chosen anything from the library of photos most people use to share with their chatroom friends because, really?, doesn't EVERYONE online look like a hot babe to SOMEONE??

Besides, I know Sandra Bullock moved to Austin just so she could one day bump into me whilst in Central Market buying groceries. She so wants to be my new best friend....and if she doesn't, she's only fooling herself. And why do you think Natalie Maines moved from Lubbock on to Dallas and finally settling in Austin? Well, I'm almost positive she's stalking me, although I'm sure she'll deny it as well, but why else would she have made the same progression through the same Texas cities that I have?? I'm sure it's why she encouraged her hubby to join the cast of Heroes...she knew I would watch that show and hoped that Nathan Petrelli would serve as the medium through which we would meet....eventually....although it hasn't happened yet. She's just biding her time.

Anyway, synthespianism is where it's at...and where I'll be. So have your people call my people and I'll review your latest screenplay. If you're lucky, I'll sign on and we can get that sucka greenlight-ed...or is it greenlit...whichever, we can get that show on the road.

Ciao for now!
M---