Doppelgangers Beware!!

This collage was sent to me by my BFF in response to my status update/complaint that I didn't have any doppelgangers so I couldn't participate in Doppelganger Day/Week/Fad of the Moment on FB.

Um, I hate to break it to you but no amount of alcohol is going to make my beer goggles get fuzzy enough to allow me to think that I look like ANY of those women. Just ain't gonna happen.

I know I've regaled you with numerous tales of when I'm shaking my groove thang out in public only to be mistaken for Beyonce, but then people look at my lack of junk in the trunk and are instantly convinced that I ain't lyin'. But I'm a survivor, I'm not gon' give up...etc.

Carrie Underwood?? Yeah, we get mistaken ALL the time in the H-E-B...it makes it difficult for me to buy groceries. Those crazed country fans drop their tabloids as soon as they see me round the corner of the produce section and immediately pull out their Sharpies and autograph pads as if they had just stepped out of a line waiting to meet The Princess and/or The Frog at Epcot. Sheesh.

Elisha Cuthbert?? As funny as it would be to show up to parties and explain to people WHY I would appear on a show like 24 ONLY to get kidnapped by different people for three seasons or how I could possibly agree to being locked in an animal trap and not even tempt a wild cougar (as in feral not the over-40-seeking-boy-toy kind) to eat me as its next meal, I just can't justify it.

And as much as I would love to look like Garcelle Beauvais Nilon, I can't keep a tan like hers through the winter months. (Although this has been argued by the hubster as untrue, but I would have to endure a tanning bed and/or the risk of turning the shade of George Hamilton orange by using a creme. Personally, I don't think the possibility warrants the risk.)

The only things that Regine Velasquez and I share are our birthplaces, birth years and Filipino heritage. Although, let's be honest, there's always a chance that I might be mistaken as "one of the pioneer[s] of [the] music industry of the Philippines."

To Sarit Hadad, I apologize, but even I had to Google you since my knowledge of Hebrew/Israeli singers is a bit scant.

Although Rosario Dawson makes choices to appear in films as varied and sometimes as questionable as the ones I opt to watch, that's where our similarity ends. Apparently.

Catherine Heigl? I know that Universal Pictures didn't believe it when they sent an agent around to my house, after Knocked Up was such a hit, and I tried to explain that I just didn't like Seth Rogen (or Judd Apatow, for that matter) like that. Nor could I take that royalty check because I JUST WASN'T HER. Same thing with ABC...do you know how many times I had to talk to accounting when they tried to pay me for all her Grey's Anatomy appearances? Ridiculous.

How can I expect YOU to believe it, Dear Reader? I don't care what everyone else says about you, I believe that you know better.